A Little Credit...Please
You know it occurs to me that we need to give ourselves some credit.
We don't do anything if there is no benefit to us.
From deciding not to have a second helping, to going to that party, to doing something for someone we love...there is always something in it for us.
Take a look at your old assumption.
What positive benefit have you been getting out of this old strategy? Be honest.
You wouldn't have been doing it if it didn't have a payoff. So, what was it?
- It keeps the peace
- It gets stuff done
- I am seen as smart/er
- I don't have to figure out how to sell my ideas
- I won't be embarrassed or look stupid
- It keeps me liked
- I get the perks of being the go-to
- I am needed
- I am seen as brave
- I don't have to worry about being judged by others
- It pushes me to do more
- It just feels easier
The payoff for me personally in my holding back was it kept the peace, I was included and loved.
When I look that in the eye, that's no small payoff. Of course I want to be loved. Nothing wrong with that. Holding back seemed to me like the easiest way to stay part of my tribe.
You too had good reasons for your behavior.
Bravo on being creative in dealing with your circumstances.
Really. Take a bow!
This is a part of yourself, not to judge, but to give credit to, and include.
Lets face it - doing things this way has worked for you.
You have gotten a certain level of success from doing things this way. Promotions, awards, responsibility, recognition, more money...
So you get credit for being creative and for getting results.
And ...the truth is there's more possible for you.
For you as a leader. For you as a human.
If you got this far from reacting to an internal conversation that was from a striving, anxious place, just imagine the results you could get if you changed your thinking slightly.
If you got more conscious about it.
And best of all , imagine the impact that could have on you - the quality of your internal experience of your life.
So what are you imagining? What outcomes do you want to create from here? From where you stand now.
Don't worry about the how. Just daydream about what kind of experiences you want. At work, at home...
At the same time, be compassionate with yourself for everything that you have created up until now.
Its not some new age adage.
Giving ourselves that honest kind of credit will give us traction to move forward faster.
"In the range of my character at any given moment,
I have acted in the only way it seemed to me I could have acted.
This in no way means that I have done what was right;
only what was possible for me.
Sometimes I have done what I knew was wrong,
and have rationalized.
But rationalization is a form of desperation.
It takes kindness to forgive oneself for one's life."
Anne Truitt, Accomplished Sculptor